Why are not we say what we think and speak not what we think?



Why are not we say what we think and speak not what we think? We all sometimes say something quite different from what we think. Or not quite what we think. Sometimes you want to say something to people - to answer a simple question or make all, long-standing - and like everything has already formulated, and is about to do you pronounce it, the word literally hanging on the tip of your tongue "... and suddenly pronounce something completely different and unexpected for itself. Or carefully plan to failure. Even prepared a speech. But at the last moment you can not resist and agreed. And sometimes long and eloquently something someone told them, explained, and suddenly you catch yourself thinking that you also do not really think so ...

So why is this happening? What motivates us? Indecision, uncertainty, fear, attempt to adjust to the situation?

Say what comes to mind - is a natural need for any human. But in real life, adults often do not have this capability. Even someone close does not always safe to say what you like.

Small children, barely speak, speak all the way and think. As long as parents and other adults do not become accustomed to conceal their thoughts. Over time, life itself teaches us that to say whatever came to mind, not always possible. As parents in early childhood, life can be punished for such liberties.

On the one hand, it is quite clear advantages of this skill: we avoid conflicts, safeguard vulnerable souls of others from possible injuries, are working as desired by the people (saying what they want to hear, not what we would say), saving themselves from the possible regrets about what he said, more or less successfully entered in the culture of society. On the other hand, our results in forced insincerity insincerity with ourselves: Hides from himself his own desires, opinions, emotions. And often the ones who are not aware. And then feel dissatisfaction with life, themselves and can not understand: what is the reason? Because while we may think that we fully conform to those parameters form a safe man, who often impose on us parents, society, but which may differ from our true needs.

Sometimes we do not say something, though we have an opinion on this matter. Often we need a pause to assess and reflect on a particular issue. And sometimes we just can not articulate what we want to say, and take a little "time out". More inclined to give a preliminary assessment of his own statements men who tend to express their opinions carefully. Women in this matter is much unrestrained.

Many problems in the relationship arises from the fact that we do not say what we think, and do not think it does. Often, along with the words we hide and related thoughts and feelings. And in the end they become available to us and to others.

But, nevertheless, family psychologists do not recommend the spouses to be completely candid with each other. Of course, it is the trust is the foundation of any relationship, however, to be confident in each other, do not always need to be 100% honest. In some cases, ruthless truth only damages the trust, rather than save it.

For example, psychologists strongly recommend that spouses of ex-lovers to discuss and question each other on trivia. But to remain silent, given the sensitivity of the spouse, on the contrary, sometimes it is necessary. For example, a jealous man is not necessarily know the details of interactions with his partner of the opposite sex. Reasonable in such situations, politely silent and not indulge in detailed stories.

And that's about fairness in the issue of adultery opinions of psychologists disagree. Some believe that it is better to remain silent, conceal the truth. Others tend to see the benefit of candor: as a rule, adultery is due to some unsolved problems in relations between spouses, and then the frank acknowledgment and discussion can help to dot the «i».

But psychologists agree on one thing: you need to take responsibility - both for complete candor, and for concealing the truth.

A well-known proverb: "What's sober, then you're drunk on language." It may be that alcohol is so attractive (among others) for a large number of people that relaxing intoxication allows us to say everything that comes to mind. It happens that the morning of that is shameful. But the need to say what pleases, calling us to drink again.

But if we, in principle, still have the freedom to say whatever comes to mind, then we also have the freedom not to speak. Silence. After all, silence - it is not just silence, a form of communication. Silence can be meaningful, it can understand and listen. And since you can about it and talk.

For many people, I think the reason for this is obvious disguise the true thoughts: do not want to offend people rude word (who come to mind), a trick or impartial opinion. And in what other cases we are silent or speak not what we think?

Stanislav, 21: "I can not say what I think, when looking for any personal gain from the situation. Sometimes using a "white lie" to avoid getting into trouble. And sometimes I'm just too shy to openly express their emotions, and then give a much more "dry" than I think. "
Dmitry, 36: "Because not everything that we think corresponds to what is happening."
Svetlana, 36: "I often say is not what I think. Because I'm afraid fights for life. I do not believe when I tell the truth. And when I lie - believe, or want to believe. "
Anatoly, 30: "Sometimes people do not want to explain that he could not understand ... and does not want. It's easier to say what he wants, and this finish the conversation. "
Marina, 27: "Because it's pointless. People put on masks, and get rid of them is difficult. All human relations are built on deception. "
Elena, 34: "If this person close to the truth to say you can. But if this truth offends, it is not obligatory, and can remain silent.
Mary, 21: "Sometimes scary" open heart ", that's hiding his thoughts for his own words".

 
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