Why do children misbehave?



Why do children misbehave? What determines the answer to this question? It is ironic sounds, from that, what beliefs hold parents.

If parents believe that children are bad in themselves or they have bad heredity, then, consequently, to make this can not be - such is the nature of things. Accordingly, even if parents would take any steps to change the child's behavior, they will do it without the enthusiasm and faith in success, because "children are always a bad behavior and do nothing can be - such is the nature of things. Other parental persuasion - "a child behaves badly because he lacks focus" implies that some of the child's needs are not satisfied, it means that the satisfaction of needs in any way will help to change children's behavior. Consequently, the situation is not hopeless - to deal with disobedience is possible!

From that, what beliefs hold parents regarding child disobedience, also depends on how child-parent interaction.

If, on parental opinion, children are badly behaved because they are spoiled and selfish, then the measure of bad behavior will be alone. If in the opinion of parents, the reasons for bad behavior are embedded, for example, that children want to feel important in the eyes of adults, primarily parents, the way a parent would impact all the others.

From parental beliefs in many respects depends on what language - making or failing - will be taken to communicate in the family. If the child self-sufficient person, entitled to their own opinion, to make their own decisions within their purview, the communication is likely in the family will be in the language of adoption. If a child "should always remain silent until they say adult, if the opinion of the little man on issues related to him personally, has absolutely no value for the adult family members, then most likely we can assume that the language of communication in this family will be the language failure.

This is because the basis of our behavior and relationships is the meaning of the word, which, in turn, is based on how we "see" the world. Words - a means by which we feel is due and understand the world in which we live. We explain all that we are experiencing our ideas of what should be (our values), rather than what is (our reality).

By changing our perceptions and beliefs, we move from one way of seeing the world to another.

What is the bad behavior of the child? Unbearable reality given to parents in feeling? Or a process which can be influenced, which can and should be managed?

What baby does not behave like that? If you are thinking about the answer to this question there is a feeling that the child specifically torments adults, and he has no other purpose, as to bring an adult white-hot, very tempted to influence the child by force, to engage in combat. The victory is often achieved, but at what cost? At the cost of reliable and affectionate relationships. Do a victory loving parents? This Pyrrhic victory does not need any parent or child.

However, bad behavior and the child can look completely different. "Poor child behavior" - is this behavior that, for whatever reason are not satisfied with an adult, attracted his attention, does not allow to remain indifferent to what makes a child. Thus, the disobedience of the child becomes a thought. When we see bad behavior as a food for thought, then ask ourselves this question: "What is my child wants me to say his behavior?". This allows us time to remove the growing tension in relations with him and at the same time increases our chances to correct his behavior.

Of interest in this regard, the educational concept outlined R. Dreykursom in his book "Happiness of your child, where R. Dreykurs considers bad behavior of children as a misguided goal, which can be reoriented. It is conventionally divided the children's disobedience into four main categories, or goals: attention, power, revenge and avoidance. These categories can be used as a starting point for establishing a mistaken goal of behavior for your child. Every child - a unique personality, so called goal - only a reference to understand the intentions of a child's behavior, and nothing more.

It left out leaving a situation where a child is hungry, sick or tired. In these cases, are unmet physical needs of the baby, which he for some reason can not meet alone. Here, the only adequate way out of conflict with the child may be satisfied the needs of the child.

Probably, another important point remains unexplained: why goals are named wrong. They are so named because the child acts on the basis of false, erroneous assumptions. For example, the most beloved one, whom have the last word "or" I love only when I am in the center of attention. " The child may eventually even reach his goal - to reach the center of attention or to win the struggle for power, but the relationship with their parents at the same time do not become more harmonious, and therefore comfortable. Will worry, anxiety, uncertainty until the next time when you can continue to fight for their goals.

 
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