Why leave can destroy a marriage?



Why leave can destroy a marriage? For many couples summer vacation includes three elements: sun, sea beaches - and squabbles. Spouses can not find a common language: she wants to loaf, he - rafting on the river in a kayak. Both have long been unaccustomed to hold together the whole day - because usually, according to statistics, the couple communicate with each other for ten minutes a day. In the vacation they have quickly come to an end a topic of conversation. And once again heating up the old, downtrodden daily life conflicts. "In the holiday issue of concern to the spouses for a long time, float to the surface", - explains Harald Werneck, practicing psychologist from the University of Vienna. According to the study of the Institute of Psychotherapy (Abaris-Institut), every third application for divorce filed in Germany after the summer holidays.

Christopher Uhl, a family therapist from Berlin, sees the danger, especially for elderly couples - because their relationship had become routine. Many people even before the holiday feel that they are not in order, and "preventively" turning to a family therapist. "They have a bad feeling", - says Uhl. And they come for advice on how best to conduct a joint vacation. "Many simply too high expectations from vacation - he explains. - But leave the spouses are not required to do everything together. Everyone should have some freedom "- advises family therapist. Therefore, some couples do not even try to leave alone.

It is still possible to save the marriage, if the combined ratio was given leave a deep crevasse? In September, the reception Ula usually not crowded, the family therapist is trying to save what can still be saved. "I talked with the wives of the old problems and look at what they do together" - he says. Typically, a light of past relationships are still warm. However, he notes, the trend for seeking outside help to deal with family problems in recent years has declined - especially men.

Psychologist Harald Werneck advises spouses not to lose sight of each other, even on ordinary days and to set clear deadlines for "work on the harmonization of relations." "Previously, couples were together much longer. In our eternal haste opportunities to grow smaller, "- said Werneck. For all that, a large number of divorces after the release of a psychologist explains the increasing demands of spouses to each other. In addition, today more and more women are in a fairly comfortable situation and can afford to leave her husband.

After the failed release initiate divorce for the most part are women, notes the Berlin lawyer Norbert Massey. "The men often begin to leave in command, and thus invade the sphere of women. This starts with the question of how to brew coffee. Therefore, after the release of a statement of divorce often brings women "- he says.

At greatest risk are couples with adult children. "If these parents go on vacation together, between them, often into conflict. Especially risky, according to Norbert Mesa, are such a holiday where couples indulge in doing nothing. "With the active pastimes wife quarrel rare" - the lawyer explains. Nevertheless, as a rule, the application for divorce is not immediately after the holiday together. "Conflicts have some time smoking, and the parties interested in the laws governing divorce", - says Massey.

 
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